6 Steps to Building Confidence and Being Your Best Self

Confidence is a great skill that can help you push yourself to the next level and achieve success. But it’s important to remember that confidence is just that—a skill—something that takes time and practice to form. If you’re struggling with self-confidence issues or would like to hone in on your skills, consider these unique tips from experts on the subject, Heather Monahan, CEO of Boss in Heels LCC and author of Confidence Creator, and health and wellness coach Monique Catoggio.

1. Leverage Your Strengths

When faced with a difficult situation where you lack confidence, one of the best things you can do is remind yourself of your strengths, rather than hyper-focus on your weaknesses.

Monique Catoggio suggests acting “as if you have a super power.” This is an “immediate energy booster, she says. “One of the best ways to tap into self-confidence is to leverage our strengths to do anything, even the things that we’re weak at. Become very familiar with what you are great at then think, ‘How can I leverage those strengths to help me do something I don’t feel comfortable doing?’”

2. Practice Gratitude

Like learning any new skill, confidence building will take some time. Start small and build up as you go. Heather Monahan suggests starting with a daily gratitude activity.

“Start with really simple things,” she says. “At night, write down three things you’re grateful for. Do this every day. You’ll begin to feel different. You don’t feel fear when you’re feeling grateful. Then add saying, ‘I love myself’ to your daily practice. Build upon each day little by little.”

3. Surround Yourself with the Right People

You’ve probably heard people talking about their “tribe”—the small group of people closest to them and with whom they spend the lion’s share of their time.

Heather emphasizes the importance of choosing your tribe wisely. “Surround yourself with people who are where you want to be and where you want to go,” she says. “Seek out a mentor who has done what you want to do. Begin to understand how they were able to do that, and cross over to that pass and learn new skills.”

In the same vein, Monique suggests an activity to try with those closest to you prove to yourself that you can do whatever it is you’re worried about.  “Ask people in your life from all different areas to tell you when you were at your best—this is what you looked like, sounded like, what you did. No one is going to get us to the next level. They can help us, but we’re going to be the ones to get us to where we want to go next.”

4. Keep a “Feel Good File”

With social media, keeping what Heather calls a “feel good file” has never been easier. Every so often, look through your pictures to remind yourself of everything you’ve achieved within the last six months or year. While your small achievements along the way might not seem like much in the here and now, you’ll see that they add up to something much larger in the long-run. This is a great way to remind yourself of how far you’ve come.

5. Look at Fear as a Green Light

Although it’s easy to fall into the trap of backing away from the things that instill fear, Heather recommends refocusing your ideas of fear in a more positive way.

“Look at fear as a green light,” she says. “Fear means go. As soon as you feel it, that means you’ve got to do this—leap farther because you’re about to grow and move forward. When you feel fear, acknowledge it and then move past it.”

In the same say, fear of rejection is only holding you back. “Rejection is success and closing is a numbers game,” Heather says. “You’re not asking enough if you’re not getting enough rejections. Being told no means you’re on to something and are building momentum.”

6. Be Your Own Best Friend

At the end of the day, it’s important to remember to be kind to yourself. Heather explains that we tend to put others on a pedestal, but part of loving ourselves and being successful is evening the playing field for ourselves. “Stop yourself from talking yourself down. People see you in a different light than you see yourself. Blow up the lanes and be the real you wherever you go.”

Similarly, Monique stresses the importance of looking at mistakes and failures in a more positive light, saying, “You’re not going to get from A to B without growing and making mistakes. Remind yourself that you’re human. Learn how to be kind to yourself and be your own best friends.”

Bottom Line

Confidence building takes practice, but with some time and the right frame of mind, you can be well on your way to feeling and acting more confident in yourself—a key ingredient to success.

Remember that our free and open-to-the public virtual “Just Ask TCI” program happens on the third Friday of each month, so please invite your friends and tune in to our monthly talks!